WHAT THE SHIT
Jul. 7th, 2006 12:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mme_depompadourROSE IS INCUBATING MY FRED 1.0.
WHAT THE COCKING SHIT?!?!?!
Do I not get consulted in these matters anymore? I would have preferred a vat, just for the bloody record.
Also, she seems to think I am incapable of incubating and bringing up a child. Has she been talking to Miss Gate again?
I am far past angry at this particular turn of events.
Doctor, I demand that you remove Fred 1.0 from that dipshit girl's chavvy womb. RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!
Rose, darling, you know I love you a mildly lesbian way, but seriously, my baby, your uterus? It's wrong on far too many levels to go into.Make your own fucking baby anyway, what are you, barren? His Timesperms can fertilise an unsuspecting egg at like 100m, what the shit's wrong with you?
I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THIS, I WILL LEAVE YOU DOCTOR, AND TAKE FRED 2.0 WITH ME AND I WILL ONLY RETURN TO TAKE AWAY FRED 1.0 AFTER WHICH I WILL LEAVE YOU AGAIN, FOR GOOD.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
I WILL LEAVE YOU.
I have put up with far too much shit from you, I can take your evil witch of a mother and your quite sickening sexual attraction to her, I can take having my vatbaby stolen from me, I can take you being freckly and slutty with that Petunia girl you haven't even met yet, I can even put up with Rose and her teenage hormones, but this is going too far.
FUCK YOU.
WHAT THE COCKING SHIT?!?!?!
Do I not get consulted in these matters anymore? I would have preferred a vat, just for the bloody record.
Also, she seems to think I am incapable of incubating and bringing up a child. Has she been talking to Miss Gate again?
I am far past angry at this particular turn of events.
Doctor, I demand that you remove Fred 1.0 from that dipshit girl's chavvy womb. RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!
Rose, darling, you know I love you a mildly lesbian way, but seriously, my baby, your uterus? It's wrong on far too many levels to go into.
I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THIS, I WILL LEAVE YOU DOCTOR, AND TAKE FRED 2.0 WITH ME AND I WILL ONLY RETURN TO TAKE AWAY FRED 1.0 AFTER WHICH I WILL LEAVE YOU AGAIN, FOR GOOD.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
I WILL LEAVE YOU.
I have put up with far too much shit from you, I can take your evil witch of a mother and your quite sickening sexual attraction to her, I can take having my vatbaby stolen from me, I can take you being freckly and slutty with that Petunia girl you haven't even met yet, I can even put up with Rose and her teenage hormones, but this is going too far.
FUCK YOU.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 10:28 am (UTC)this is your fault in the first place. if you'd just kept fred INSIDE YOUR DAMN WOMB, none of this would've happened. but oh no, you had to go all girly and selfish and "stretchmarks?! heavens!" SO, YOUR FAULT.
i think the doctor would be sad if you left. he's having a hard time with his oedipus complex right now. it might break him, if you went away.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 10:37 am (UTC)You are not keeping my baby in your womb! It's not going to happen. It's not. I will see to it that it doesn't happen.
What's the problem, afraid you can't deal with his Mummy Issues on your own? I though you two were doing so well before I came along. I'm sure you can manage him and whatever's inside his insane alien head. I don't care if it breaks him, I don't care if he's sad, this is the last fucking straw. I do have my dignity, you know. I did not come here to be insulted for being French every two bloody minutes, I came here because I love him. He obviously doesn't care, so I will leave.
It's not like the sex is anything to write home about lately, if he's not calling me Penelope then he's obviously thinking about this Petunia girl. I don't even warrant a mention anymore. He can fuck right off.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 10:41 am (UTC)*sigh* he does love you. he's just...an insane alien. look, fred HAD to go inside my womb. it was that or a carrier bag. and yeah, i'll let you call me on the french thing. although i s'pose i'm only stating a fact. and the sex thing if affecting everyone, not just you, by the by.
*strokes you in a mildly lesbian manner?*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 10:52 am (UTC)I understand and appreciate that you had to put Fred there. I am just extremely upset and hurt that you would decide to keep him there without so much as consulting me. It's heartless and cruel. She's my baby.
I don't even really care about the sex thing
I'm more than happy to dress like his mother if that's what he wants, and I know he's a weirdo. I have just had enough. He's acting increasingly bizarre lately. I don't think he knows the first thing about love, so forgive me if I don't believe you when you say he loves me. He loves a lot of things, including this bloody caravan. It doesn't mean anything.*goes a bit emotional*
That's nice. *is stroked*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 11:05 am (UTC)look. maybe you should talk to him about it? however frustrating he can be. he doesn't understand love on the same level as us (and likes the rub this in my face). and, don't even try and fathom his love for the tardis. alien thing.
*strokes more*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 11:10 am (UTC)*is stroked more*
So, how's Fred doing in there? *strokes* Do you think she's happy? Does she miss me? *kisses your belly*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 11:12 am (UTC)she's very warm and happy and foetus-y, i should think. but yes, she misses you. lots and lots. *pets your lovely hair*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 11:24 am (UTC)Good, I'm glad. You'll take good care of her, yeah? *strokes your belly* I don't want anything bad to happen to her, ever.
*kiss*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 11:26 am (UTC)you're a bit calmer now?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 11:31 am (UTC)I suppose so. I can't stay mad at you and your chipmunky face.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 11:41 am (UTC)by the way, all those times i called you french? i'm secretly jealous of your beautiful accent.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 11:45 am (UTC)All those times I called you a chav were just because I was jealous of your hoop earrings and hoodies. I wish I could pull off that look.
*fondles*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 07:20 pm (UTC)hoodies are a lot more comfy than corsets, you know.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 07:22 pm (UTC)*licks your ear*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 07:59 pm (UTC)You should com in hear and smell teh paint. I made a bed inna nursary. It smell funny!
*fondles you*
I had lickle agrument with the Doktor. Bout his cock or something. I love his cock, don't you? I dont remememeber what it was about now. We haf 2 freds!!!no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 01:30 pm (UTC)I know plenty about all sorts of things!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 01:29 pm (UTC)I told Rose to sort it out with you! I told her you'd want our darling little foetus back! And putting Fred there was the only way to get her back for you!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 01:41 pm (UTC)You've flat out stated you don't want me to produce the already incubating Fred 2.0, you're in love with your own mother, you fantasise about being extremely freckly and sexy with some other florally-named bint you haven't even met yet, and now you've put the fruit of our love into the womb of a chavvy ho teenager to ripen.
You don't ask me if that's ok, you don't discuss it, just like you never discuss anything with anyone. I love you. I don't want to leave you. But you're not giving me much to go on here.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 01:49 pm (UTC)You're incubating? How? How can you be doing that, you said you wouldn't do that? And how can I put Fred in you if you've rented out the womb, as it were? Petunia is most likely far into my distant future, and I am not in love with Penelope in the way you seem to be implying.
I thought we had discussed these things at length? I give you lots to go on. All sorts of love and things like that.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 02:03 pm (UTC)You don't take a bloody hint, do you? I've been incubating since that thing with the candles. It wasn't food poisoning. You seemed awfully adamant you didn't want a spare, so I was looking into getting it removed in a seedy backstreet clinic. Your mother offered to take it off my hands but I have politely declined. I don't necessarily need Fred 1.0 back in my womb, it would have just been nice if you had consulted me on what we should do with OUR baby. Bastard.
You don't give anyone any love, just sex and empty words. Apart maybe from that machine of yours, and that woman
Iyou used to fuck, with the funny long name and the new face.You never even asked me along to go get Fred back, just left me and went off with your chavvy soulmate-for-now.
I'm really angry with you.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 02:36 pm (UTC)Are you sure you're not just delusional because you miss Fred? What am I supposed to do with two Freds? And two pregnant humans? Two pregnant humans who are incubating the two Freds? What if we put 1.0 back into you and keep 2.0 in a freezer and thaw her out when we want another one?
Of course I love you, you silly cow. I say it all the time, don't I? And we went to get Fred back as a surprise for you, which I thought you be like a nice present. I thought you'd be grateful.
Don't be angry, my precious butterfly.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 02:55 pm (UTC)We were trying to make a new one remember? You couldn't be bothered to find the old one because it was all too much like hard work or something. I don't think Rose wants you to take Fred 1.0 out, and I am certainly not letting you anywhere near Fred 2.0, so I think you're kind of stuck with it.
DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME A SILLY COW. And, yes, like I said, you say a lot of things. Of course I'm grateful, she's my baby, I just wanted to be asked, at least, for my bloody opinion
Well, I am angry. Don't look at me like that, because it's not going to work this time.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 03:13 pm (UTC)Well then I could just leave one of you. I could go somewhere you would never, ever find me. I bet Petunia won't pull this sort of crap on me.
You were probably too busy wanking to give a reasoned opinion.
But anger only makes you sad, my sweet little Eskimo.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 04:52 pm (UTC)lovelyalien cock.Are you accusing me of masturbating too often? I'm pregnant dude, I think you'd better get the hell used to it.
You make me sad. You make me cry and wail and all the rest of it. You're not very good at making anyone feel even remotely secure.
I love youno subject
Date: 2006-07-07 04:55 pm (UTC)We could try a vat again?
I don't make you sad. I make you happy. And secure. Very much so.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 05:01 pm (UTC)I wanked over you for bloody years you insensitive oaf.NO MORE VATS!!!
Yes, you running off having batshit adventures, never staying home to maybe, you know, talk about things, running into exes and future girlfriends every two bloody seconds really makes a girl feel secure in her relationship. I feel more secure in my relationship with Rose, and she calls me a French Tart every time she sees me. That's got to be saying something.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 05:05 pm (UTC)We'd be careful with this one!
What do you want? Oh bloody hell, do you want a mortgage as well?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 06:00 pm (UTC)Are you deaf as well as stupid? NO MORE VATS!!!!!!!
I do not want a mortgage. The very thought of it makes me shudder. I do, however, want to know that you are committed to this relationship, and our various vat/nonvatbabies. I will leave it up to you as to how you can prove that to me.
Don't worry I'm not asking you to marry me or anything. Surprise me. Prove your love. And not with anymore sexually suggestive poetry, either.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 06:06 pm (UTC)Of course I'm committed, my adorable tangerine. I don't know how to prove this, nor really why you're so convinced that I should have to.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 06:15 pm (UTC)Make it up as you go along, that's usually what you do, isn't it? You have to because I am FUCKING PREGNANT AND FEELING INSECURE
AND HORNY. THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO. I don't care how you do it, blow up a fucking planet, get a tattoo, whatever the hell you want. Just do something FOR ME. Not for Rose, or Penelope, or Romana, or Petunia, or Sarah-Jane, or Jack, or the caravan, or Mickey or whoever else you might want to shag today. FOR ME.I've made up a bed in the nursery. I will be staying there for a bit. I like the paint fumes.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 06:25 pm (UTC)I wrote you that poem!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 06:46 pm (UTC)*sniffs fumes*
And as much as I absolutely adore sex, it's not quite what I had in mind. Surely you love me for reasons other than sex? I'm the mother of two of your as yet unborn
bastardchildren.no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 06:52 pm (UTC)I like your brain.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 06:58 pm (UTC)Well that's a start. You mean how I think, yes? Not as in you'd like to put it in a jar and look at it or something?
Maybe you can write a poem about my brain?
I like your specs. I feel a bit funny now. *sniffs*no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 07:03 pm (UTC)You know so many things and you are intelligent and quick and.. and.. and sexy? No, not sexy. You are sexy, but I shouldn't say that. You're very clever.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 07:10 pm (UTC)Yeah, that's more like it. Hardly epic though is it?
*sniffs* You're sexy too. Really relly shexy. I luf you. You have a beautiful cock.no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-08 03:08 am (UTC)Hello there Reinette. I thought you might be able to use these. Do you still like the ones with jelly in?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-08 09:30 pm (UTC)I think I may have passed out from paint fumes.
Use them how?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-08 11:23 pm (UTC)Anyway. Get some of this inside you. Like my old mum used to say, nothing cures what ails you like a good slab of Beldinia's finest.
Use them however you like. You used to be rather creative with them, from what I remember.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-09 07:51 pm (UTC)I did something a bit funny with them. I remember why I liked Beldinian chocolate now.
It melts really quickly, doesn't it? *purrs*