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mme_depompadourWell, that was all utterly pointless. We went on a Fred-finding mission and came back with an Oedipus Complex, and some scented candles in a Tesco carrier bag. I still miss my VatBaby, but the Doctor has promised me we will make a new one. He has managed to get rid of chipmunk-face Rose for a few days, so we can conceive in peace. I have also managed to persuade him to work on his Mummy issues with me. They seem to be distracting him a lot lately. She is quite a good-looking lady, Penelope, I can understand the attraction, but still. He's a sick little puppy. I like that in a man.
I have set up the candles and the acoutrements required for the conception of Fred 2.0. The Doctor seems convinced we need candles and pornographic poetry, and something about oils?I think he's been talking to Rose again. I hope he's not considering getting a mortgage again as well. It wouldn't suit him.. I'm pretty sure all we really need is my womb and his lovely cock, but I'm sure he has his reasons.
We are not putting it in a vat this time. That was obviously a very bad idea. I will keep it with me.Then Rose can do that belly stroking thing I was quite looking forward to as well.
I have set up the candles and the acoutrements required for the conception of Fred 2.0. The Doctor seems convinced we need candles and pornographic poetry, and something about oils?
We are not putting it in a vat this time. That was obviously a very bad idea. I will keep it with me.
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 08:37 am (UTC)JUST SO YOU KNOW.
the Doctor is only practicing on you to get better for me. HA.no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 08:49 am (UTC)and funI realise what you wanted the candles for now, thanks for that. Kinky. I've lit them and they're ready to go. I underestimate you sometimes.
He doesn't seem to need that much practice, he's awfully adept. Does he seem like he needs practice to you? Are you two not clicking as well as you could be? You can tell me, sweetie. I'm sure you turn him on, really, maybe he just has a cold or something? I'm sure it's not you.no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 08:52 am (UTC)SHUT UP YOU FRENCH BINT
WE CLICK
WE CLICK LIKE
SOMETHING THAT CLICKS
REALLY LOUDLY.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 09:02 am (UTC)Sorry, darling. I'm sure you do. Click. I'm sure he doesn't ever get bored and just gives you a quick timegasm to get it over and done with. I'm sure he doesn't ever give up halfway through going down on you. I'm sure you don't have to tempt him with mustard just to get him to put out. I'm happy for you, really I am. It's nice to know you're on the same wavelength, sexually.How's your mum?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 09:04 am (UTC)FUCK YOU.
i'm not rubbing your babytummy now. you'll look FAT. and your corsets won't fit and your boobs will sag.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 09:09 am (UTC)The Doctor has assured me he will still do me when I am fat. Besides, he has a bit of a thing for ummm...well, the maternal side of things, if you get my drift. It's not a problem or anything. I'm sure we can incorporate his little foibles into our love life somehow.I'm sorry if I offended you, my dearest little Rose. When you come back I will make it up to you. We'll do something together, just you and me. A girly thing. I'm sure we'll think of something.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 09:58 am (UTC)you're supposed to be helping him get over his mummy issues!!! i bet all you do is spank him and tell him he's a naughty little boy. REAL HELPFUL.can it involve chocolate?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 10:06 am (UTC)Have you been spying on us? Anyway, that was me being helpful. I was trying to get him to open up to me, emotionally. It's a very sophisticated psychological thing, you wouldn't understand.Plus, he just likes being spanked. A lot.Oh, yes! I love chocolate. Of course it can involve chocolate ummm...somehow. What a marvellous idea.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 10:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 10:27 am (UTC)I was afraid you were shagging your mother or something. But that would be crazy!I've lit the candles
I realised in a moment of clarity what they were for. You're a kinky bastard, Doctor, you really are. God I love you.So, are we ready to make a baby, or what?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 10:47 am (UTC)Still, I am willing to have a go if you think it's a good plan. What are the candles for, anyway?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 10:51 am (UTC)freaky alientwins. I'll look after them, darling. I'm sure Rose will help.I think it's a great plan
it involves sex, does it not?Umm, atmosphere?
Yes, that's it, atmosphere. Nothing to do with hot wax at all.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 10:57 am (UTC)and I only really want one anyway.Atmosphere? Should I get the TARDIS to... dim the lights or something?
...hot wax?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 11:03 am (UTC)What if VatFred had been real twins, would you have chucked one out? What's wrong with two? They could amuse each other, less work for us.I asked
herit already.She'sIt's on the case.Never mind darling. Just relax. Pretend I didn't say anything.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 11:05 am (UTC)Alright, fine, if you insist....okay.
*reads you some French porn*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 11:14 am (UTC)We could always give one to your mother? She seems awfully keen on trying to raise a normal child. Maybe she's a bit disappointed in how you turned out? With the sluttiness and the issues and everything?Good. *kisses you*
Talk me, Time Lord. Read that bit again, the bit about the pineapple.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 11:27 am (UTC)Oh, maybe we could do that and she'd be nice? We could pretend we only had the one or something.*reads that bit again*
*adjusts specs, which are slightly steamed* I don't think you can do that with a pineapple.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 11:47 am (UTC)Then we'd have to hide the other one all the time. Besides we haven't even found Fred 1.0 yet. Someone could have unplugged her vat by now *emos*Oh yes.
*grabs your tie*
Fuck the pineapple.
I don't mean fuck the pineapple literally obviously, I mean, you know, sod it, that kind of thing*licks your ear*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 11:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 12:09 pm (UTC)You don't go much on the foreplay anymore, do you? Is something wrong?no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 12:33 pm (UTC)Should I have?no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 12:41 pm (UTC)It doesn't matterCould you, ummm, move your elbow?
Oh yes, do that again. But harder.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 12:42 pm (UTC)Move my elbow harder? What?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 01:00 pm (UTC)The other thing, do that other thing again. Only harder. God, you're all distracted now aren't you? *ruffles you*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 01:01 pm (UTC)What thing? Is this romantic yet? I'm worried about the fire hazard.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 01:04 pm (UTC)*blows out candles* Have it your way, then. This is getting tiresome. Just come already, I'll do the rest. Timesperms and that. Get on with it.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 01:07 pm (UTC)But what about the romantic stuff? I thought that was important?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 01:11 pm (UTC)You've been talking to Rose, haven't you? The romantic thing is in no way important, though an orgasm would be helpful. Yours and mine. There are technical reasons for this, but I won't insult your intelligence by explaining what they are. *kiss*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 01:16 pm (UTC)I was going to do foreplay and then you got excited about the pineapple. Also you took your dress off, which by your standards is foreplay.
*kiss* A romantic orgasm?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 01:19 pm (UTC)*kiss* Fine, yes, a romantic orgasm please.*kiss*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:17 pm (UTC)*pushes you over and gets on top*
I'll do it myself. That's kind of romantic, isn't it? You can tell me I look beautiful or something. Will that do?
*rides you*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:18 pm (UTC)*is rid*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:20 pm (UTC)That's more like it.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:25 pm (UTC)Kind of need them here.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:27 pm (UTC)Fine. I'll dress up like your mother next time.
Wanker.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:56 pm (UTC)I'll go incubate a bit.
*kisses you*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 02:59 pm (UTC)*clings* Don't leave me. Shall I go pick up Rose?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 03:00 pm (UTC)Go on, go get Rose.
*kiss*
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 03:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 03:48 pm (UTC)Just don't make me attempt romance again. It's not really my thing.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 05:32 pm (UTC)*incubates*